Where did I get the Idea?

The other night I was joking around with my husband saying that his "World of Warcraft" friends aren't real friends. Of course he said, "Sure they are! I spend 2-3 hours a day, 2-3 days a week playing with them." Then, I said, "Well, then are my WW friends real friends?" (obviously, I say yes. I'm closer with some of them than I am with the friends I see face to face) Well, I don't remember him answering that question but he asked "well are they Pagan?" and I responded "some of them are." And he comes back with "Ah! So that's where you got the idea!" That got me to thinking... "Where did I get the idea?" "What made me look for my beliefs instead of just practicing the Catholicism I was taught?" *Warning- This might get a little lengthy.

For reference, I think of Paganism as any Nature-based spiritual path that isn't considered a mainstream religion. It's an umbrella term for all religions and spiritual paths that honor, and feel the spirit and energy of nature whether its Druid, Native American, Wiccan... what have you. I'm none of those. I'm still in the read everything I can get my hands on phase. All I know at the moment is that I don't feel a spiritual connection with the Christian faith and I am trying to find out what I believe versus what I was taught to believe.


A Little History


I was raised Roman Catholic, and attended Catholic School from 1st through 8th grade. I was confirmed in the Catholic church when I was 14. I used to feel a spiritual connection when I went to church and at one time going to church on Sunday made me feel good, uplifted and closer to God. Then, I started forming my own opinions of what I felt was right and wrong. That's when my spiritual connection with the Catholic church started to go south. I felt like I was being reprimanded for my beliefs (mostly my tolerance and open mindedness), and that happy feeling I used to have when going to church turned into frustration. Then, going to church became a "do it on holidays to make mom happy" thing. Once I moved out, I just stopped going. Almost 5 years later, I'm spiritually adrift trying to find a connection with the Universal Power.... Supreme Being... whatever....


What Made Me Question My Beliefs?


Oddly enough... My husband. :P He read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. Having been agnostic for years, this book is really what finally made him decide that he was an atheist. So, while he was reading this book, he would ask me why I believed in God. Just so you know, "Because I just do" isn't a valid point in a debate. :P He made the point that I believe what I believe because that's what I was taught. When I thought about it, it was true. So, what do I believe? Hmmmm.. That's a good question that I didn't have the answer to and one that I'm currently trying to figure out.


The Pagan Seeds


Funny enough, one of my first Pagan "seeds" came from this line from the song Colors of the Wind in the Disney movie Pocahontas: "I know every rock and tree and creature has a life, has a spirit, has a name" I was about 14? Something about that line clicked in my head, and it made perfect sense to me.


Then, there was the brief moment when I wanted to be an Astronaut and studied everything I could find about the American Space Program and NASA. Unfortunately, I don't have the patience for advanced math so this career path was abandoned. Anyway... From then on, I've been fascinated by the moon, and would often get up in the middle of the night during the full moon as it was shining into my bedroom window to just gaze at it. I still do this.. did it last night actually. It might seem weird to some people but I feel something stir inside me when I look at the moon. It's both invigorating and uplifting. I can feel the power and the energy of the moon, the sun and all of nature. My husband thinks this is nuts. LOL! I feel the power of the energy of the earth so why not honor it?


Then, there was the TV show Charmed. Kidding!! :P It didn't influence me at all. I'm not loony enough to think, "if I become Wiccan, I can blow up demons!" I just liked the show, but my father didn't approve of me watching it... You know it "promoted witchcraft and devil worship" and what not. However, that was the first time I had heard about Wicca, and it was also around this time the my sister did a report on Wicca for a class in high school. My father was also none to pleased about this assignment. However, it was the first I had heard about a religion that "worshipped" nature, other than the Native American beliefs, and the idea of Goddess worship. Well, as a woman, how can I not connect with the idea of a powerful goddess?


Finally, one of the things I truly believe and feel came to me from Yoga Booty Ballet. It's a workout program that has a meditation section in the beginning and end of the workout. This feeling came during the meditation section. At the end of the meditation (as with most yoga classes), they always say "Namaste" which the creators of the program defined as "the spirit of the divine in me honors the spirit of the divine in you." (this definition varies depending who you talk to) That I have a little piece of the divine within me (as does everyone else) is something I feel to my core. This belief can only lead to being more respectful to everyone since they are also part of the divine.  This is the only thing that I absolutely believe... I'm still working on the other stuff.

So, where did I get the Pagan idea? It's been sprinkled around my life. I was happy with my job and was losing weight. So, in September, I figured I might as well find my spirituality and Paganism is where I started. If anything, the books I've read are interesting, and I'm learning about something I knew very little about. It's currently part of my path to help me figure out what I believe.