The conversation I had with my husband the other night is totally blog worthy. Completely out of left field:
Dave- If we have a baby, how much time would you take off from work.
Me- Well it's required by law that I get 6 weeks if I have a normal labor and 8 weeks if I have a c-section.
Dave- Oh.... I was thinking you'd take an extended leave.
Me- An extended leave? How long do you think?
Dave- Until the kids go to school.
Me- Say what?! (some discussion of finances) Well if that's what you wanted, you should've married my sister. She'd love to stay home with the kids all day.
What brought on this question? I did ask... He just hung out with a buddy from college who's married and has a one year old. It happens that his wife stays home with their child. It also happens that she didn't work her bum off to earn a bachelor's degree and doesn't pay $300 a month in student loans. If I were to stop working, it would seem like a waste of a shit ton of money. I'm sorry being proud of oneself for earning a degree isn't worth $30,000+ of debt.
Ok... I'll admit it's not just about the money... If the idea of having kids isn't scary on its own, the idea have being home all day bustin' my ass with the household duties and taking care of the kids is down right terrifying! Or annoying because I know my husband's inability to empathize with what I would be going through on a day-to-day basis. Then, there's the question of my losing the little sanity I have left...
I know alot of women would love to have the ability to be stay at home moms and I can see the benefit and joy of it. I mean I wouldn't mind being a housewife, but a SAHM... Not so sure about all that.... Maybe if the child was a perfect little angel just like I was. LOL!!! Ok.. Fine! I'll admit it. Kids are alot of work and well... I'm lazy and like sleep.
Don't get me wrong. I hate going to work as much as the next guy. It just never occured to me that there might be a time in my life that I wouldn't get up and go to a job outside of the home.
For the record, we have yet to decide if we're ever having kids so it's a not an issue. Yes I know that most people discuss this stuff before they get married. However, we have one of those relationships that just go with the flow. I am not pregnant nor do I want to have kids right now. This is just something to think about if we ever talk about seriously having kids or if we accidentally get pregnant. So, put in your two cents if you'd like. I'd love to hear someone's opinion that isn't all "GAHH! NO! NOT CHILDREN!" and yes sometimes when I think about having kids, that phrase does run through my mind. :P
parenting & kiddos aren't for everyone & i commend ANYONE who has the brains enough to think that it might not be for them.
ReplyDeletealthough if anyone would have ever told me i would have 3 kids & one of them @ age 39 i woulda died laughing.
life changes & in this day & age parenting is an option for A LOT longer than it ever was for our parents. no need to rush into any decisions you aren't ready for.
and being a SAHM is THE hardest job in the world... and men never get it -- they are incapable... lol!
I do understand both sides of this post. Knowing that I was/am going to be a SAHM might have been a waste of 4 years of college and student loans, but I'll always have that to fall back on. In my eyes, that was the choice for me. Something I think that I could have just found whatever after HS and just gotten married and pregnant quick, but we can't change the past, and honestly, I had to much pressure to go to college, and I needed to get out of the area, it worked out perfectly for us.
ReplyDeleteThat maternal instinct thing actual has started kicking in for me lately, and though I've always said "maybe, maybe not" when it comes to kids, I am pretty sure now that I do want one or two... not for awhile though.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm with you about the school. I'm in school now, and have about 6 years left (rest of bachelor's then law school) and no way am I going to be a SAHM. I'm going with either a nanny or having a SAHD, which Stacey has brought up a time or two. :-)
So I may be the "bread-winner" some day, which blows my mind!
I totally respect SAH parents, that is a LOT of work for what seems like LITTLE appreciation.
I've stayed home with my kids for a while but one of my closest friends decided it wasn't for her. She felt like, given her personality, the kids were better off with someone more patient during the long, long days.
ReplyDeleteIt's good your thinking about it now so that when the time comes you'll have a handle on who you are and what works best for your life.
You know my stance on being a SAHM, but that's because I'm a mommy-nut. I love being with my kiddos. With Bobby I stayed home for a little while, but financially it isn't doable. If it were doable...well I wouldn't be working now. It really isn't for everybody though. I would be happy cleaning house and taking care of my kids. You, my darling sister, are wonderfully different. You are driven and successful in ways that I only dream about. You wouldn't be good as a SAHM, not because you couldn't do it (I know you could). Only because you are not that personality.
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