So what has contributed to this body image issue I have?
- I love my mom. I love my aunts. I love my grandmom. However, these women had a huge influence on my life. It seemed to me growing up that my mom was on and off diets. My aunts always talked about weight and losing weight and feeling fat and... you name it. Even my aunt, whose never been fat, was always concerned about how much she weighed. She and I have a similar body type. As a teenager, I have a memory of being asked how much I weighed, and her stating that's what she wanted to weigh. The thing is... She was already slender. So, my up bringing has impacted how I feel about my body.
- The stupid fucking media! The same one that says that says Khloe Kardashian is fat. She 5'10" and a size 6 (I think). She's not fat! She a fucking goddess! This skewed perception of stick thin is beautiful and if your larger than a size 2, you're fat doesn't do any of us any good. We've been force fed this bullshit, which as resulted in us creating unrealistic goals to try and have the bodies of these models and actresses that are "sooooooo beautiful." This shit poisons little girl's minds.
Ironically enough... Dance isn't on this list. I was older when I started seriously dancing so I wasn't brought up around having to be skinnier to fit the ballerina mold.
Ok... so I'm really tired this week and that's all I can think of that has contributed to my body loathing. Changing how I feel about my body is seriously hard and losing weight alone isn't going to change it. Along with working on the outside, I need to look on the inside and find what I do like about my body and stop focusing on what I don't like. I'm a work in progress and feel alot better about my now than I did a few years ago. It's getting there and one day (hopefully soon) I'll be able to walk on the beach, and just take off my cover up without even thinking about it.
My goal is to do what I can to break this god awful cycle. Hopefully, I can teach my niece and nephews (maybe my own kids IF IF(lol! big "if".. get it? yes.. I'm that tired.) I have them) to be healthy and love themselves and their bodies as they are.
I completely understand. Like you, I remember thinking I was fat because I wasn't a size 2 like my friend I went on vacation with when I was 14. My mom took me to a diet center with her to loose the weight she gained when she had me. She's always been self conscious and it definitely passed onto me. My aunt and cousin are the same way, my aunt has been a yo-yo dieter her entire life. I am going to try VERY hard to break the cycle when I have my own children. It's a vicious, vicious cycle, and the media is absolutely awful. I don't even want my kids to watch TV and see what kind of pressure there is to be unnaturally thin.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
ReplyDeleteI have the exact same issues and history with it. The women in my family have been body concious my entire life. It rubbed off on both my older brother and myself, and we've both been on diets since childhood and constantly struggle with our weight and our body acceptance. So it's definately in how I was raised!
I'm so sick of not feeling "thin enough". What does that even mean??? Thin enough for who?
LOL at your big IF.
I can SO relate!
ReplyDeleteMost of the memories of my Mom involve dieting -- and that is still a bond for us. We did WW together (twice), go to the gym together, and still weigh-in together weekly. Weight defines us and our relationship -- kinda sad when you think about it.
And the media -- gawd does that fucking piss me off too! I remember when a size 6 was considered super skinny. And Khloe is 5'10" -- she must be a beanpole in person -- poor thing; the press is relentless on her. I am 5'8"(ish) and I cannot imagine how thin I would need to be (and maintain) to be a size 6. I am aiming for a size 10 and will be elated with that! :D
Great post!!